confessional retrospective photography

Photo

Sat, 04 May 2013 23:25:14 -0600

I’ve been trying to apologise but haven’t been doing a good job...

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 17:40:00 -0600

I’ve been trying to apologise but haven’t been doing a good job of it. Making excuses for what I said. There is no excuse for what I said. It is wrong of me to judge others experience based on my own experience. I made sweeping statements I have no authority to make based on my feelings, not feelings from my gut but a reaction that arose out of fear. I understand that reacting out of fear is dangerous. Reacting out of fear is what produces lynch mobs and witch burnings and I am mortified that I let myself go there. I am ashamed. Most of all, I am truly sorry.

Today has been a shitty day.the urge to drink is strong

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 17:34:46 -0600

Today has been a shitty day.

the urge to drink is strong

Photo

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 08:02:01 -0600

Photo

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 07:43:17 -0600

Photo

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 07:38:42 -0600

Photo

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 07:34:01 -0600

fuckit

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 12:48:00 -0600

I have decided to finally read a book. One that came from England that I bought for the MA course I dropped out of. It’s translated from French. Exercises In Style by Raymond Queneau. It is really quite brilliant. I feel I can say that before I even read it. I never really got around to reading it entire I just poked at it a bit. But I cannot read Queneau’s writing itself I am reading obviously a translation. It’s a brilliant concept and Queneau is outstanding in his… I don’t want to say field or profession. I don’t know how it would be said but he is brilliant. It’s a simple story, observation, retold 99 times in 99 different styles. I think it is brilliant because it is so simple. Entertaining yet very intelligent piece of writing about writing. George had suggested it to me. George Hardie

artist

royal designer of industry

side note: I am thinking that I thwart my own progress when I am putting myself down. I also think I try too hard to make myself do too much and I can’t do it all so I don’t do anything and then I chastise myself for not doing anything. Maybe I just need to pick one thing. I still need to spend a little time doing stuff I don’t want to do but if I just do that stuff for an hour or two a day. Then let it go till the next day and then just try one thing that I’d really like to make a habit of. I tend to make a list of things I want to do. Like I could completely change into a new person over night. I need to learn to say fuckit more.

My truck got fixed. I used it to go to the post office. It is now making a high pitched sound down near the tranny. But it seems intermittent and I can’t really hear it when I am in the truck. I don’t want to drive it.

Okay I am going back to my book. I don’t even know why I am writing now :P

Photo

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 04:15:32 -0600

Soprano sized Stella

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 23:01:29 -0700

Soprano sized Stella

stella and jebus

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 20:08:56 -0700

stella and jebus

Good-bye Good Boyd poor boyd. he came to me as chaco but i...

Sun, 17 Feb 2013 13:41:00 -0700

Good-bye Good Boyd

poor boyd. he came to me as chaco but i thought he looked more like a boyd. he was a good little dog. so friendly. he’d been chained most his life because he liked the taste of farm fresh chicken. i took him so he could be off the chain. he wasn’t house-trained so he was an outside dog but i let him sleep indoors in a crate by the wood stove. i only noticed that nick in his ear that morning. he’d only been with me a week. was installing the invisible fence when it happened. he was a car chaser. the truck slowed down but chaco didn’t. if only the truck had not slowed down. instinctual i guess but it doesn’t make sense to me to slow down if a dog chases. just go faster. let the dog chase. just hit the gas and get out of the dogs way. don’t slow down. the dog will get under your tires if you slow down. he ran back to me and lay down and i held him as he died. the driver stood there telling me he slowed down. what was i supposed to say. so there i was trying to make that guy feel better about killing my dog, and now i am angry about it. i carried chaco to that patch of snow, a hole was dug and i pushed the dirt in around him gently breaking up clods just wanting to be respectful of this once living being that never really did a wrong thing. it just doesn’t seem wrong to me when a dog likes the taste of farm fresh chicken. but it might be wrong for him to be living with chickens and so it was right that he came to live with me and even though it was only a week. it was a week of freedom.

beauty awaits

Fri, 08 Feb 2013 19:48:04 -0700

beauty awaits

Photo

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:31:04 -0700

Colorado

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 17:02:35 -0700

Colorado

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 16:51:39 -0700

Colorado

Davenport, Ca

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 16:26:08 -0700

Davenport, Ca

Photo

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 18:14:27 -0700

Already a Day

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 14:33:58 -0700

I feel super drained now and don’t want to do anything else for the rest of the day. But I guess I had better tape some plastic to my windshield. Was supposed to get it done in Gallup today. Truck wouldn’t start. Called AAA and they tell me my account is inactive and I say it cannot be and I get passed around on the phone-go-round finally getting told that I owe them money because I used their service 13 times in 2011 which is just not true and I am not going to pay towing charges for tows I did not receive and they can go fuck themselves if they think they can bully me. Then I called John and he came over and gave me a jump start and Conrad and Michael showed up as I called them too( I do tend to go a little overboard) and they checked to see if it was my alternator and then said they didn’t think I needed a new battery but just needed to clean it up and they did that for me while I got on the phone to the window guy to make sure my windshield was on the truck and he fobbed me off so I’m sure it wasn’t on the truck and when I called Manny but it was too late to get one ordered for tomorrow so I googled for Albuquerque and found the Glass Emporium and they are gonna be the cheapest at 117. And the guy on the phone had a voice that made me want to curl up in his arms and I’m just going to get there by 11:30. I guess that will give them time to put it in before my meds appointment. I’ll call apple soon and make an appointment to have my laptop looked at and figure out where moms music shop is to have my ukulele looked at, sometime I should find a park to take Jello because I am totally taking her along. She’s real good in big cities. People like the look of her and like to approach and reach out to her and then she growls. It’s a soft growl only unless she feels provoked to mean business. I like it that she does that. I feel completely safe with her. She’s been getting lots of hugs just lately since Banana disappeared. We are pretty comfortable together.

my broken heart

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 17:07:03 -0700

my broken heart